Smiles

I was feeling sad and discouraged last weekend. I have been spending my Saturday Mornings working with "Front Line," a ministry to street kids from my church here, Calvary Chapel. I have never met people like these street kids. Calvary seems to be doing a good job seeking them out, inviting them into the church, loving them, playing games with them, feeding them, teaching them about Jesus, and disciplining them. Most of them don't have parents, a home, consistent meals, or someone to love them. Most of the kids don't speak much English, either.

Saturday was "sports day," which occurs on the last Saturday of each month. Sports day is really fun for the kids and for me. I get to be a human jungle-gym. They get to run around and be crazy. I was sad and discouraged because I felt helpless. I want to be able to give them what they need. Frankly, it just doesn't seem right to me. In America, my friends, family and I have all we need and more. I never even wondered if I might not have food for even one meal. I never imagined my parents leaving me. It's their "job" to love me, that's what they do! I have been so secure and well-provided for. I am so blessed! It's a surprising dose of reality to see "these people" that I've heard about for years but have been so disconnected from and even doubted their existence. "Surely no one REALLY goes hungry or homeless, at least not for a long time, right? I mean, aren't there ministries and organizations and government things to help them?" Then I walk to the football field with a boy and ask him about his family. "I don't have a family. I don't have parents. I used to go to school. I want to go back." So they do exist. The reason I have been sad and discouraged is because I want them to have what I have. Of course I want them to have Christ, to know Him in a personal saving way, in a life-changing, hope-giving way, just like I know Him. I also want them to have food, education, and a home! But I can't communicate with most of them without a translator, and I can't provide them with three meals a day, and I can't put them through school. I wonder to myself if it is worthwhile to go spend time with them. Is it a real need for them to have a friend like me if I can't explain the gospel to them in their language, if I don't give them money, and if I don't give them education? Maybe? Maybe it helps to have someone to sit with them while they eat, hold their hand while they walk, spin them around when they're on my back until they get really dizzy, let them play with my leg hairs and see the wonder in their eyes when they pull them out and look at them. I don't know. I know it makes them smile for a while. I want them to have joy, real joy, the kind that only comes from having a real close relationship with Jesus. I hope I can give that to them somehow! Everyone is made for that.

I noticed that when I have been walking around town, whenever I greet someone in Luganda, "Oli Otya, Ssebo? (How are you, sir)" they usually reply with a huge grin and say, "Jendi, ssebo!" (Fine, sir). I know that makes a very small difference, somehow. It makes them happy to see a muzungu (white person) speaking in Luganda to them. More than that, it makes me happy to know I make someone else happy, even in such a small way.

In my conversations with God, I realized something simple, yet extremely exciting. I make God smile. He looks at me and is happy. He delights in me. He couldn't be happier or prouder. He is refreshed in spending time with me, even laughing sometimes, I really believe, at my silliness. Is it because I am great? Oh, no. I am covered, clothed with Christ. The Father delights in his one-and-only Son. I am in Christ. Father and Son enjoy eternal fellowship... or to put it in my language, they love hanging out together. It is always good, right, and joyous being together. That is how it is with us, with God and me. Sometimes there is pain and sorrow. However, even in the pain, there can still be joy. God smiles at me. That is amazing, and all the more when I see how ungrateful and undeserving I really am. So, I still have a ton of questions and unanswered prayers, but I can smile, and I do.