I don't want to be rich, but I do...

I really want to be an engineer. I graduated over a year ago now, had the opportunity to do a great internship, and am now looking for a full time engineering job. In the mean time, as I have been working a couple jobs outside of my field of study, I have been a bit anxious. It is hard to find an engineering job right now! I am seriously searching hard, as many of my other recent-graduate friends are, as well. I took some time today to evaluate the motives of my heart (which I must do often, because that is the most important part of who I am), and I realized that a significant reason why I want a "better" job is for the money. I love money and want lots of it! Yes, that's hard to admit, but true. Is it wrong? It depends on the reasons, and the reasons are diverse. I want comfort, security, and power. However, I also want to be generous. My motivations are mixed.

I wondered today if my desire to be rich, which I believe we all experience, is given to me by God. While I believe it is God-given, I know I don't always direct it appropriately. C.S. Lewis explains this well in The Weight of Glory:

Indeed, if we consider the
unblushing promises of reward and the
staggering nature of the rewards promised
in the Gospels, it would seem that Our
Lord finds our desires, not too strong, but
too weak. We are half-hearted creatures,
fooling about with drink and sex and
ambition when infinite joy is offered us,
like an ignorant child who wants to go on
making mud pies in a slum because he
cannot imagine what is meant by the offer
of a holiday at the sea. We are far too easily
pleased.

Personally, I need to remember that having the comfort, security, and power that comes from having more money is not as good as the riches Jesus offers me. I want to be rich in the way Jesus was and is.... but, he was homeless! He was rich, however, in love. He was an investor, not so much in the market, but in relationships with people. He had twelve men who did everything with him. He had three of those twelve who he could be even more personal and vulnerable with. He was and is an awesome friend.

So, I now live in Denver, Colorado! I am part of a small new church, Soma Church. I live in a great community, West City Park. I have really cool neighbors and two room-mates who are both crazy about Jesus and total goof balls (with a serious side, too). I'm still looking hard for a job! Plus, I will have tons of daily choices to invest in my friends, to hang out, to help, to laugh, to be open, and to become filthy stinking rich the way Jesus wants me to be. I'll try to invest wisely.